Volume 8


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	Remington Publications What’s NewsLetter, Volume 8 The Newsletter for “Being a Man in a Woman’s World™” Welcome to the latest installment of the What’s Newsletter. This newsletter will bring you up to date on what’s been happening with products of interest to YOU. Thanks for your continued and overwhelming support! Contents News Relationship Article Humor Book Availability/Ordering News *New Partnership Formed!* We have formed an alliance with a terrific website: Dating-Insider. This site has a ton of great information, a free newsletter (with special content added every week by Dennis Neder), a discussion group and much, much move. *Website Updated!* Have you visited our website recently? If not - you're missing a ton of new changes, new information, ideas, links, and updates! Here's a sample of what's waiting for you: Ø Self-Help Section has been updated! Ø Past Articles section updated! Ø “Sex!” section updated! Ø Newsletters *Reader Discussion Area is Open!* If you haven’t done so yet, check out the new reader discussion area. This is an exciting new service for you to share your experiences with other readers and get answers to your questions. Check: www.remingtonpublications.com and click on the “Discussion” button for details. Relationship Article This article has been posted on various websites around the Internet. Because of its nature, we are reprinting it here. Relationship Management During a Crisis Like you, I was personally devastated by the attack on America last week. My deepest condolences go out to those that have lost loved ones, and my highest praise to those that have helped during this difficult time. My own company, Remington Publications™, has already donated 10% of this year's retail sales to the Red Cross and will continue to do this until the need no longer exists. We wish for the safety and happiness of you and your loved ones. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Managing relationships when crisis hits is a difficult task. You often get into things you wouldn't otherwise or even use your relationship as a way to console your feelings of helplessness, anger and fear. Here in California, I've seen this many times happen during our earthquakes, fires and riots. Even during the Gulf War, people naturally wanted to help ease their suffering and often turn to their relationships. It's a good idea to draw off the strength of those you love, and to share yours with them, but be careful not to use the stress brought on by crisis against your partner, or as an excuse to over-commit. Let's look at both of these scenarios: Turning Your Anger, Fear or Anxiety Inward to the Relationship Some people don't handle crisis very well. This isn't a bad thing - who in this country really gets much chance to learn how? Frankly, up until now, we've had it pretty good. Because of this, when a crisis DOES hit, many are just not prepared. Everyone hopes that they will act like a hero during a crisis. Obviously, there are a relative few that actually can. Of course, everyone wants to be that person, but few get the chance to prepare themselves, and even fewer have it in them naturally. This lack of preparation leads to overreaction, frustration, fear and anxiety. Many people start to lash-out at those around them, and often strike the person in closest reach - their lover, wife, husband, or partner. Dealing with this situation is a double-edged sword - both from the standpoint of the person inflicting the damage, and from the person receiving it. How do you handle all the conflicting emotions? Is there a way to vent them without harming someone you love? Yes - the first key however is to realize that you're having difficulty dealing with the crisis. During a crisis, you want to take extra care to deal with all the conflicting emotions you may feel. You may need to talk to someone. You should also recognize that your partner might be having his or her own issues. It's easy (and natural) to turn your focus inward, but try not to forget that he or she may be going through many of the same things you are. Using a Crisis as an Excuse to Over-Commit We've seen this every time there is a major event - be it a disaster like an earthquake, or a war; people decide to step-up their plans or jump into commitments they wouldn't otherwise make. During both World Wars, the war in Vietnam, and even as recent as the Gulf War, many people chose to get engaged, married, pregnant, etc., before leaving to separating. While this may seem romantic, it is rarely a good idea. Why should a crisis change the path of your relationship? Of course, knowing that there is someone waiting back home may make the distance seem less important, but consider what may happen when you return. Perhaps this person has changed their minds. Maybe they only agreed to this to appease the person leaving, etc. There are hundreds of reasons why someone may decide to agree to change their relationship. If you're the one staying home, you too may be tempted to change your relationship. Consider that, while your partner is away, many things may change - for both of you. The promises you make today may not be practical in a few weeks, months or even years. What Should You Do Right Now? If you haven't already, try to define your relationship to yourself. Be brutally honest - not wistfully unaware! If you're in the relationship for convenience or because you just don't have the heart to break it off, realize that. On the other hand, if you're building your relationship to a goal, accept that and define the goal even more clearly. Also try to view your relationship (as clearly as possible) from your partner's eyes, but don't feel compelled to share this with your partner however. You're building a personal definition only. Then, do nothing. What? I hear you asking, "If I'm going through the effort to really define my relationship, why shouldn't I do something about it?" Because, you need to have a stable platform to work from. You need to understand that your definition of the relationship may be colored by your emotions of the crisis. However, if you don't give (or haven't up until now given), your relationship some meaning or purpose for existing, you can't easily decide the best way to act within it. Unfortunately, too many people live lives as "wandering generalities". That is, they do all the things most of us do, but they tend to wander; to and from their jobs, with their friends; and in their relationships. Thus, without some definition, any action is the right one - even inflicting unintentional harm or over-committing to future plans. Try to keep your relationship on a consistent path. Do the same things you did before the crisis. Go to movies or rent them if that's what you're used to doing. Spend time together but don't think you have to force yourselves together more often or for longer periods than before. There has never been a more important time to "live for today", because you don't know what tomorrow will bring. What Should You Do In The Long-Term? It's ok to have plans - even to make them during a crisis. However, be careful not to act on them until you're in a more rational time and place. By taking the previous step and defining your relationship (for yourself), you at least have a yardstick to measure it by. What if you already have future plans for your relationship? Don't change them - in fact, don't change anything about your life. Don't take money out of the bank or stock market, don't cancel plans with friends or family, and don't make major changes to your relationship plans. Resources Everyone in the world is affected by this recent cowardly act. Some are affected in deep, profound ways. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. In fact, you owe it to your loved ones and yourself to insure you have the strength to move ahead with your life. As President Bush as said, this is going to be a "dirty war". We are going to grow up as a nation and need to grow up as individuals. This involves learning new, more effective coping skills. Here are some resources you might want to use in helping to cope with this tragedy: FBI Tip website World Trade Center Survivor Database Justice Department phone line to provide information to families about victims and services for survivors: 1.800.331.0075 American Red Cross Red Cross appeals for blood: 1.800.448.3543 Cash donations to the Red Cross: 1.800.435.7669 Cash donations to the Salvation Army: 1.800.725.2769 Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA): 1.800.424.8802 FEMA Nation Map of Regional Offices North American Center for Emergency Communications: 1.218.229.2887 Disaster Area Missing Person Search Form Web pages set up for WTC Crisis folks to check in Doctors who want to volunteer their help: 1.518.431.7600 Crisis services, coping information, forums, and hotlines Victims of Crime Resource Center: 1.800.627.6872 How You Can Help suggestions from Helping.org National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Listing of emergency and crisis hotlines Disaster Mental Health Handouts Steps You Can Take To Cope In Stressful Situations Coping With the Aftermath of a Disaster What to Tell Children About Terrorist Bombings Sudden Deaths: A Survival Guide for Family and Friends Craig’s list Disaster Forum ------------------------------------------------------------------- Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all mail. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World™", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com. Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved. Humor A man and his daughter were standing in the garden one day when the little girl spots two spiders mating. Mary: Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? Dad: They're mating, honey. Mary: What's the one on top called? Dad: It's a daddy-longlegs. Mary: So the one on bottom is a mommy-longlegs? Dad: No, it's a daddy-longlegs, too. Mary: (thinks for a minute, then stomps on both spiders) Well, we're not having any of that crap in OUR garden! ----------------------------------------------------------- A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the subway car’s lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face. The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead." Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it." And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car’s lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again." ----------------------------------------------------------- A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers! Book Availability/Ordering Are you interested in one or more copies of "Being a Man in a Woman's World™"? They make a perfect gift! You can find them at the locations below. If your favorite bookstore doesn’t have it on the shelf, ask them why not! Amazon.com Barnes & Noble (around the country) Borders Books (around the country) Remington Publications™ – La Verne, CA - 866.844.0176 (toll-free) or: www.remingtonpublications.com (signed copies!) You will also find the books listed on: www.barnesandnoble.com www.booksamillion.com www.borders.com www.fatbrain.com And in your local bookstore! Remington Publications™ www.remingtonpublications.com webmaster@remingtonpublications.com 818-246-2058 877-469-5883 818-246-5431 – fax	<% if not bNoGoogle then %> <% end if %>